Are You Trying Too Hard to Be Successful?

Have you ever pushed hard to reach a goal and found it worked against you? Can you put too much energy into getting what you want? Here are 3 signs/symptoms that you may be trying too hard:

1) Too much effort too soon

What it is:  pushing as hard as possible as early as possible.

Why people do it:  We all want to feel as though we are in the driver’s seat of our journey through life. But some things just can’t be rushed. Results take time to develop. Timing is everything. Especially in relationships.

Why it’s a problem:  We can ruin things by pushing too hard too soon for what we want. Why? Because we are impatient. Obviously, we are all familiar with the pushy salesman, the over-eager networker, the too ardent suitor.

Less obviously, this can apply to you. Did you ever make yourself put a lot of work into a project that you later understood was completely unnecessary?

All of these situations come from willpower that is out of sync with the compassionate wisdom of the heart.

What to do about it:  Tune into your feelings about the situation and your sense of the other person. Do you have a feeling that you are “pushing the river”? Don’t try to force results when something is out of alignment. Either: A) You are about to take a premature or inappropriate action that will probably not help your long term interest or B) a part of yourself is in conflict/resistance and needs to be aligned emotionally with what you really want.

The linear egoic mind wants to make things happen right now. But solutions frequently come from outside of us and in their own time. Developing and tuning into your feeling sense of flow can make achieving your goals easier and much more enjoyable. Sometimes taking a break to go to the cafe might be just what you need. You might run into someone or read a blog that gives you a fresh perspective, a new connection, or an innovative idea.

2) Overriding intuition with “mind power”

What it is:  Overriding uncomfortable feelings in favor of taking action.

Why people do it:  You are probably familiar with the idea of having to go “out of your comfort zone” in order to grow, achieve, and be successful. This is a common practice in many coaching programs.

Why it’s a problem:  Unfortunately, whenever we ignore our sense of discomfort we run the risk of acting against our own best interests. That uncomfortable feeling can be your heart’s intuition attempting to re-direct you to an easier and simpler way, or to a completely different way that’s actually better for you. Pushing yourself into action can also can have the long-term side effect of “impostor syndrome“.

With impostor syndrome, no matter how much one achieves there is never true satisfaction. Action disconnected from the heart can leave the inner self feeling emotionally cut-off, unseen, and unheard. Ignore your feelings and you ignore your inner self.

What to do about it:  Take the time to release those uncomfortable feelings and get clarity. If you are having uncomfortable emotions you are not seeing the situation clearly. Emotions cloud your judgement and distort your perspective. Remember that you deserve to honor what your heart and soul really want. Becoming an action figure never makes anyone truly happy.

3) Out of emotional sync

What it is:  Using mind power to try to make yourself feel and think differently

Why people do it:  Feelings like doubt and lack of confidence can get in the way of achievement. Fighting unconfident feelings with mind power can give you a sense of emotional control so you can keep on taking action.

Why it’s a problem:

A. There is nothing wrong with coercing through a minor fear now and then to take action. The problem comes when this becomes a habitual behavior and feelings are never acknowledged and never addressed. This causes a “heart/mind split” that can result in emotional incongruence with ourselves and other people, feeling one way and acting otherwise.

People sense this in your emotional energy and body language. It can work against your credibility.

B. It is an inefficient use of energy to override physiological emotions with mental power. This results in inner conflict with your own life force energy. Your emotions (physiological energy) are pushing you in one direction while your mind (mental energy) is wanting you to go in another. This is tug-of-war can cause burnout and exhaustion.

C. Deep uncomfortable feelings are coming from an unhealed place, an inner conflict that needs attention and resolution. The “action figure” model of denying uncomfortable feelings in favor of action can cause you to take actions that are not coming from clarity. Actions that may actually work your long-term fulfillment.

What to do about it:

A. When it seems appropriate, be open with other people and admit uncomfortable feelings. It will make you more authentic and “human”, especially if done with sensitivity and humor.

B. Learn how to listen to and acknowledge your feelings in a healthy way. Learn a method, such as meridian tapping, to release and heal old emotional blocks. Releasing these blocks not only gives you greater clarity, it releases your blocked life force energy so you have more energy to attract and create what you truly want.

Do you ever feel like you are pushing yourself too hard to be successful? Attuning to your inner creative flow and make achieving your goals easier and more enjoyable.  Learn how with my free guide, “Effortless Goal Fulfillment: 4 Steps to Creating the Flow of Lasting Change”.